Why limiting WhatsApp gives you presence

Distractions were key to the survival of our species. When we lived surrounded by predators an unexpected noise, touch, or light would signal a possible danger and allow our brains to quickly switch off whatever task we were doing so we could run: The famous fight or flight. Since we no longer live in these conditions, we should be more capable of prolonged concentration. We are not. And that is because we are bombarded by notifications.

As Cal Newport puts it in his book, “a deep life is a good life.” A deep life is one in which you can focus, and be attentive to what you are doing at any specific moment, with little distractions. Within this framework, every action counts. Be it cooking, having a conversation with a friend, writing a book, reading a scientific paper, closing a business deal, writing an email, listening to the sound of birds, playing with a child, staring at your parents’ eyes and reflecting on where you come from, taking a shower and being conscious of the water sliding down your body. What is a life but the one you can live being fully present, across moments and places?

Our working memory is what allow us to function and perform. The key actor that powers our working memory is the prefrontal cortex; in humans it is more developed than in any other animal. The prefrontal cortex is the last to mature, and the first to deteriorate, and it helps us plan, organise, analyse, and reason. Given that we have this extraordinary tool at our disposal, to be efficient and productive, how come we continue to fall sort of our goals? One answer is: notifications.

I spend many hours every day with my daughters. I used to do so while constantly feeling stressed. Stressed, because it never felt like enough time, and because during that limited time, I always felt rushed. Rushed by the routine, anxious when things unfolded differently than I had anticipated, or even confused when not understanding my girls’ behaviours. I would have never have imagined that limiting WhatsApp would be one of the interventions that would decrease that stress!

I have limited WhatsApp to three hours per day. One in the middle of the day, and two after bed time. Being (self-)prohibited from checking WhatsApp constantly minimised my stress, both while I work and while I am with the girls. This began as an experiment, and it absolutely worked.

WhatsApp was my distraction, a “to-do” in the back of my mind, an unknown and unwanted source of nagging, a secret list of things to be achieved, without trusting my priorities. So I asked myself: If we have the capacity to plan and organise, why are we living allowing distractions, which can almost always wait, to shape our lives? When I spend the afternoon with the girls, isn’t the only thing I want, simply being with them? I sometimes use a piece of paper to write down things I need to send or small reminders that come to my mind all of a sudden.

Now, when I work I work, and when I am with the girls I am with the girls. Since there are no more distraction from my phone, I observe more, I am more patient with their behaviours, I stress less, I am more aware of their personalities, who they are, and the ways in which I can help them to know themselves down to the core. I experience being bored, and creativity pops up! And when no other stimuli are there to capture my mind, suddenly, the art of conversation [and as well with the younger ones] emerges as beautiful entertainment, and being.

I have also realised that not having WhatsApp at my disposal avoided me many internal distractions that affect working memory. Waking up fresh in the morning and planning the first contents that will occupy your mind is crucial. Science has showed time and time again that sunlight should be the first beam your brain sees, not artificial light from your phone. If we read the news in the morning, while it’s a nice habit, it feeds our working memory with information we can usually impact very little. The first hours of the morning are precious: to read, to do this deep work we have to do, to say hello to our loved one and enjoy a breakfast with them.

Try it. It works, I promise.